What makes me happy?

I have been asking myself this question for the most part of this week. What does make me happy? Because for the past few weeks, and quite honestly months, I have been feeling increasingly unhappy.

This week has seen me at my lowest point. Feeling like a robot just mechanically drifting from one day to another not finding anything exciting, joyful or just generally good. I put it all down to my current job - but in reality it is an alright job, just boring for the most part and not what I really want to do. No, the job isn't it. It is me I am unhappy with.

I feel really directionless and not having any answers only pushes me further into a state of 'dunno' and not gona even try.

So, again what makes me happy? Instead of focusing on what I don't like - what do I like?

I like:

• Being creative.
• Feeling healthy.
• Doing dancey-fun exercising.
• Watching films and innovative TV (and some crap TV).
• Music, music, music - listening to oldies, finding out newies, going to gigs and festivals.
• Celeb gossip.
• Aspirational fashion magazines.
• Reading blogs - I have two folders dedicated to my fave weight loss/healthy living blogs and fashion/style blogs.
• Retail therapy.
• When I make an effort to paint my nails.
• Beautiful views.
• Dreaming about travelling Europe and America.
• Nights out with the gang.
• Rare moments of when independence, confidence and opportunity collide.

Hmm, so there we have it. A bit off topic but I needed to get it off my chest. Will post my weigh in result tomorrow.

Number Crunching

Had the most laborious, long-arse day today. I just couldn't steel myself to get into my work properly and was endlessly clock watching (which is scientifically proven to slow down the Earth's rotational spin). It's been that kind of week.

Yesterday was OK though. I went back to my dearly-missed Zumba class and sweated up a storm while getting slightly annoyed at the new routines which meant I couldn't show off in front of the newbies (is that awful of me?!) I'm definitely going to go back to my usual Thursday classes now, although my instructor is leaving next month, booo :(

So after the endorphin high of last night I've had a total dip. My mind started to wander to weight loss statistics, when I really should have been doing something I'm paid for, and thought I'd crunch some numbers tonight. So here we go:

Current weight: 15st 2lbs (212 lbs)
Current BMI: 34.2 which puts me in the obese category for my 5ft 6 height

Weight that will put me in the BMI 'overweight' category: 13 st 2lbs (185 lbs)
How many lbs needed to lose to reach the 'overweight' category:  1st 9lbs (27 lbs)

Weight that will put me in the 'normal weight' category:  11st (154 lbs)
How many lbs needed to lose to reach the 'normal weight':  4 st 1lbs(58 lbs)

Only 58 lbs until I'm deemed 'normal'! Must crack on then.

Sunday Strolling

My Sunday morning started off with a 80 min walk around our local woods (I am so lucky to live close to such a pretty area). Usually my Sunday morning consists of lounging around in bed until lunchtime, but not today. Me and my dad braced the cold - which is perfect weather for walking - and got strolling. Set me up nicely for the week.

I weighed in this morning and have lost 1lb which I'm happy with. I started tracking again last week and was doing well until the weekend where a few lunches/dinners out with friends racked up the points. So I want to really push this week to prevent a STS result.

This week I really want to have a couple of sessions down the gym, do my Zumba DVDs and also mix it up with a few of my other DVDs (shred, pilates). Basically this week I want to move more!

I mentioned in my last post that I was trying to change one habit a week - as found on this blog. I am continuing with the first week habit of drinking more water so am moving onto the next habit - moving more! My exercise habits have been a little sporadic of late (due to illness, dark mornings and general lazy arseness!) so am just trying to get into a regular habit.

Here's hoping for a successful week ahead.

Winning and Losing

Last week I won a Woman's Own competition, literally the first thing I've won since the Easter raffle in Primary School! My prize? Only £170 worth of weight loss goodies! I was such a giddy kipper when I found out.

The parcel was delivered on Monday and in it I had 20-odd sachets of Tony Ferguson meal replacement shakes, his recipe book, Cho Yung weight loss tea, Shape Me Beautiful positive thinking CD and a pair of SIZE 12 'tummy tuck' jeans.

Now i'm really not a fan of meal replacements as I think it is such an unhealthy way to lose weight and who wants to go through life with only a heavily processed powder to sustain you? But, as a quick breakfast for when i'm running late, I thought they would come in handy. So on Tuesday and Wednesday I had the Chocolate shake and Cafe Late shake for my brekkie. The first time I tried it I realised I wasn't going to be able to drink it all in one setting as it was so filling, so I popped it in my water bottle and drank the rest throughout the morning in work. It did keep me fuller for longer as cereal (no matter how big the portion) never seems to keep the hunger away for me.

By Thursday I was craving a 'proper' brekkie (i.e. one made of ACTUAL food) but it did make me think that once all the sachets have gone I am going to make my own healthy smoothies for breakfast - as they really seem to keep the hunger at bay.

I tried the Size 12 jeans on and as they are quite stretchy I managed to get them up to my bum - but no further! Definitley something to aim for his year. I listened to the CD and although it is a bit cheesey at times (like how you are supposed to tell your inner child you love them...puuuuukkkke!) it did relax me and whether it was a placebo effect or not I did feel more positive the next couple of days. Note to self, must listen to it again!

In a peruse for more inspiring weight loss blogs I found one by an American lady who has lost a huge amount of weight by herself and she had drawn up this one habit a week plan, which basically gets you to try and change one small thing a week. It isn't anything ground breaking but it seemed to really strike a chord in me as  I have previously said that with WW I don't feel like I've changed my bad habits - i'm just doing the same things within a point allowance. I can't see myself tracking forever so I need to programme in these healthy habits that are going to keep me in good stead for the future.

For week one the healthy habit was to drink more water. A simple thing but something I really don't do without reaaaaaally making the effort. So this week I have been making regular trips to the tap/water cooler to fill up my empty glass.

I weighed in this morning and have lost 3lbs and i'm sure the extra water intake has a great deal to do with that, so it is something I am really going to drill into myself. I also started doing my Zumba DVDs again this week so the little bit of exercise has given me that extra ooomph.

My body has failed me again though and have been up all night with a sore and swollen throat (it hurrrrrtsss!) and blocked ears- just when I was getting back into the swing of things, damnit!! Anyways I'm hoping it will shift soon and so I can bet back into my groove this week :)

Let's Get Fit the Celebrity Way!

It's that time of year when we are all on the come-down from the festivities and after one too many drunken buffet evenings and mince pies the cravings for fruit, vegetables and a simple glass of water start to set it. It is also the time that the media like to remind us that we have all inevitably gorged ourselves too much and therefore are fat and unhappy.


Whatever will motivate these sad, unfortunate people into action? (The editors wonder) The answer? Bombard the nation (mainly female) with images of lithe, fit and firm celebrities sunning themselves in teeney-weeney bikini's, promote the latest batch of former fatty celebrities-turned supermodels' fitness DVD, all of which claim to have unlocked the secret weight loss enigma, and read through a top ten list of celeb's favourite workouts.


This week I have become increasingly irked by the constant stream of media 'attacks' aimed at overweight people. It was kicked off by an article by one Daily Mirror columnist's helpful advice that all those wishing to lose weight should cut out the accompanying picture of bikini-clad supermodel Bar Refaeli and stick it on your fridge, you know, for TOTAL motivation. As I examined this picture of this woman I realised that this is a model of perfection perpetrated by the media to make the rest of the female population, who are not genetically fortunate to be in that 1% of human perfection, feel worthless, and quite frankly shite. It doesn't matter if I slimmed down to 7st, I will never have a supermodel body, and that's OK, I just wish the media would stop holding it up as the gold medal in body Olympics.


Yesterday I read an interview with Kimberley Walsh from Girls Aloud (who I like) which bore the headline "I HAVE LEARNT TO EMBRACE MY CURVES" For the love of God!!! Who else is sick of this headline? Especially when it is used to describe girls who are about as curvy as a ruler. Kimberley is curvy...by comparison, but then we compare her next to tiny Cheryl Cole, so it's not much of a yardstick is it? (Sorry Chez, I'm not comparing you with a yardstick). I once saw a TV programme in which a journo described Kate Moss as curvy, I kid you not. Curvy is apparently acceptable in the media but God forbid those celebrities that dare to carry cellulite. You can be curvy and built like a brick shithouse but one sign of a dimply thigh and you are back on the 'to be publicly shamed' list and no doubt pressured into losing more weight, ending with the inevitable "how I lost my ugly cellulite" news spread.


To add insult to injury I received an email from a fashion magazine which carried an article of 16 Celeb Fitness Tips - as I am interested in fitness I had a flick through - I should have known better. The first tip was from Super Helena Christensen (who in another life I WILL come back as) who lauded the amazing effect of walking in those crappy trainers that definitely will not make your bum as toned as Kylie's. The fact that Helena is a spokesperson for these trainers had no bearing on her pimping them (sarcasm tone: off). As I flicked through the rest one overriding theme hit me - to get a celeb body you need to be rich enough and have enough time on your hands to employ a top personal trainer and spend every day of every week dedicating your life to a pert arse. Take a step back mere mortals! I do however have to give a special commendation to Beyonce who at least admitted to get her body she has to work hard for it, unlike Kelly Brook who apparently does nothing but skip around beaches to keep so trim.


Us ordinary folk should realise that we are the norm and super fit celebs are the exception. I am focusing on being the best version of myself and not aspiring to look like what the media machine considers perfection.


Saying this, I wouldn't mind being Beyonce for one day - aww c'mon we all have dreams!

Instyle

2010 Review

There is 45 mins until 2010 is done and dusted and the fresh new start of 2011 is upon us all. 45 mins, I thought, to have a look back over my year and look forward to the next 12 months.

Let me take you back to January 2010 - Christmas, New Year and my birthday were all over and I felt absolute shite, weighing in around the 18st stone marker. I felt sluggish, unattractive, embarrassed, unhealthy and generally crap. It was at this time where I started to make a real effort of losing weight and being more healthy.

I dropped the first couple of stone by myself then, as I came to a plateau, joined WW online and then the gym. With this combination I slowly creeped to under 15st for the first time in a LONG time. But then...

A holiday and some work comitments took my eye of the prize and I started to put a few pounds on, then off, then on...etc.

I was determined that this Xmas I wouldn't indulge as much as last year as I didn't want to feel like I did at the beginning of this journey. What have I gone and done? Stuffed myself silly! I feel like I have been let loose from some self imposed ban and over indulged in everything, which then makes me think - have I learnt anything at all?

On WW I eat if I have points left rather than whether I'm hungry or not (bad). The Pro Points came at a bad time and I don't think I have really got to grips with it, mainly because the weeks I put in the effort I got a very unrewarding result of STS or 1lb loss. Xmas is obviously still a lesson to be learnt in self restraint - I just can't imagine tracking over this period.

So I'm sat here feeling quite merry (due to the large amounts of alcohol consumed....hic!) but deep down i'm dissapointed in myself for taking huge strides backwards, I feel really pap :( I'm dying to go to the gym and start eating normally but I have another family buffet to go to tomorrow so......ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just need all this excess food and booze to dissapear as if it is around me I cannot resist temptation (maybe for one day, but not the next).

Anyways, the positives of this year have shown I can lose when I put my mind to it but I am debating in WW is really the right method for me.

On the exercise front I joined a new exercise class and fell in love with Zumba, tried the imfamous Shred and got back into gym time before work.

I just need to get my head back in the game (and stop dipping my hand in the Quality Street tin!)

Let's end this post on a high note! I have high hopes for 2011 - I want to visit New York, get a job in the creative sector, get my own pad, and obviously lose weight. I'm not making any resolutions but i'm going to maintain blogging and look forward to my 2011 Review post reporting on a fun-filled, successful year!! Xxx

So this is Christmas...

...and what have I done? Um well apart from do my back in which has therefore kyboshed any exercise efforts, have lots of fun getting in the festive spirit with friends and eating myself into a food coma over the weekend, with an added extra of Harry Potter viewing my mum and lots of cadbury's chocolate consumption...err nowt!

My back is really sore at the moment, not helped by the arctic conditions, and totally ruined my exercise efforts which had started off so well last week. Ah well...

I lost a pound last week, then put 3lbs on this week. That feeling off "ah what the heck, it's CHRISTMAS" has crept up on me. I'm trying to be smart and not let myself eat for the sake of it, but in reality I think the break over the next couple of weeks is what I need. I haven't tracked for the last two weeks, ooh I feel bad.

Exercise is the thing that gets me into the right frame of mind to eat right and without that i'm just not feeling it at the moment. So i'm taking a break and will be back at it as soon as my back feels ok. If i'm really honest though, i've not been feeling WW since Pro Points was introduced, I followed it to the letter for the first three weeks and lost arounf 1lb - hardly inspiring stuff. Anyways...

It's been a mega busy day at work today (more busy that any other time this year - and I don't work in retail) and i'm really hankering for a festive drink tonight! So cheers and I wish everyone a very merry Christmas!!

Hopefully Santa (and by Santa I mean Amazon.co.uk) bloody well deliver my goodies before Friday, otherwise it will be a very sad Christmas this year!!