Monday, 3 January 2011

Let's Get Fit the Celebrity Way!

It's that time of year when we are all on the come-down from the festivities and after one too many drunken buffet evenings and mince pies the cravings for fruit, vegetables and a simple glass of water start to set it. It is also the time that the media like to remind us that we have all inevitably gorged ourselves too much and therefore are fat and unhappy.

Whatever will motivate these sad, unfortunate people into action? (The editors wonder) The answer? Bombard the nation (mainly female) with images of lithe, fit and firm celebrities sunning themselves in teeney-weeney bikini's, promote the latest batch of former fatty celebrities-turned supermodels' fitness DVD, all of which claim to have unlocked the secret weight loss enigma, and read through a top ten list of celeb's favourite workouts.

This week I have become increasingly irked by the constant stream of media 'attacks' aimed at overweight people. It was kicked off by an article by one Daily Mirror columnist's helpful advice that all those wishing to lose weight should cut out the accompanying picture of bikini-clad supermodel Bar Refaeli and stick it on your fridge, you know, for TOTAL motivation. As I examined this picture of this woman I realised that this is a model of perfection perpetrated by the media to make the rest of the female population, who are not genetically fortunate to be in that 1% of human perfection, feel worthless, and quite frankly shite. It doesn't matter if I slimmed down to 7st, I will never have a supermodel body, and that's OK, I just wish the media would stop holding it up as the gold medal in body Olympics.

Yesterday I read an interview with Kimberley Walsh from Girls Aloud (who I like) which bore the headline "I HAVE LEARNT TO EMBRACE MY CURVES" For the love of God!!! Who else is sick of this headline? Especially when it is used to describe girls who are about as curvy as a ruler. Kimberley is comparison, but then we compare her next to tiny Cheryl Cole, so it's not much of a yardstick is it? (Sorry Chez, I'm not comparing you with a yardstick). I once saw a TV programme in which a journo described Kate Moss as curvy, I kid you not. Curvy is apparently acceptable in the media but God forbid those celebrities that dare to carry cellulite. You can be curvy and built like a brick shithouse but one sign of a dimply thigh and you are back on the 'to be publicly shamed' list and no doubt pressured into losing more weight, ending with the inevitable "how I lost my ugly cellulite" news spread.

To add insult to injury I received an email from a fashion magazine which carried an article of 16 Celeb Fitness Tips - as I am interested in fitness I had a flick through - I should have known better. The first tip was from Super Helena Christensen (who in another life I WILL come back as) who lauded the amazing effect of walking in those crappy trainers that definitely will not make your bum as toned as Kylie's. The fact that Helena is a spokesperson for these trainers had no bearing on her pimping them (sarcasm tone: off). As I flicked through the rest one overriding theme hit me - to get a celeb body you need to be rich enough and have enough time on your hands to employ a top personal trainer and spend every day of every week dedicating your life to a pert arse. Take a step back mere mortals! I do however have to give a special commendation to Beyonce who at least admitted to get her body she has to work hard for it, unlike Kelly Brook who apparently does nothing but skip around beaches to keep so trim.

Us ordinary folk should realise that we are the norm and super fit celebs are the exception. I am focusing on being the best version of myself and not aspiring to look like what the media machine considers perfection.

Saying this, I wouldn't mind being Beyonce for one day - aww c'mon we all have dreams!


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